Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Christmas - Bah Humbig

Christmas comes just once a year (thank heavens). Here's my contribution to the Christmas spirit. I call it Bah Humbug.

Christmas comes but once a year
Just as well, ‘cause more I fear
Would send me screaming up the wall
I couldn’t cope with it at all.
The panic, starts as I remember
Round the middle of November.
Rush and tear, the crowds, the cookin’
Jesus doesn’t get a look in.
A neighbour calls. She looks unflapped.
"My presents? They’re all bought and wrapped."
Then adds, with face as smug as Larry,
"The puds I made last January."
In every neighbourhood has he
Who thinks his house a Christmas tree
And buries it beneath a maze
Of gaudy flashing Santas’ sleighs.
The ad men say the world will end
If you do not go out and spend.
The shops perpetuate the lie:
It’s all about how much you buy.
And then those shops assault your ear
With tacky songs of Christmas chear.
Whilst products lined along the shelves
Are daubed with Santas, trees or elves1.
"Stocking filler" Twenty quid?
Just who d’you think you’re trying to kid?
Stockings should hold simple things
Like sugar mice on candied strings.
"Who’s turn is it for Auntie Joan?"
"She cannot spend the day alone."
How is it our more aged guests
Get classified as household pests?
I do believe we’ve lost the plot
True Christmas spirit’s been forgot
Simple presents. Sing Wassail2
Help the meek, the poor, the frail.
Have a lovely Christmas day
But love thy neighbour3 on the way.
Enjoy yourself without a doubt.
Just don’t forget what it’s about.
1 Even my milk had Santa on it last year. What's that all about?
2 Traditional greeting, to which the traditional answer is "It’s a sort of beer you daft ha’p’th".
3 Yes, even the one with the eight foot flashing reindeer on his roof.

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